


An Old Battered Shield

by regina_stellaris



Category: Warcraft (2016)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Pre-Slash, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 17:23:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8498743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regina_stellaris/pseuds/regina_stellaris
Summary: "I want to ask you a question. Which would you prefer: a pretty, new shield, untried and untested and more for show than anything else - or an old, battered one, with scars and dents to show all the times it's done it's job and saved someone's life?"





	

**Author's Note:**

> I was in a really dark place yesterday. I cried half the night, felt like nothing, as if I was not worth anything. Luckily, the people from discord managed to assure me that they love me just how I am. I love you guys so much!
> 
> This was written by me almost a month ago but is still pretty accurate. Thank you _Eriakit_ for letting me use your line.
> 
> Unbetaed.

Lothar knows it will be stormy tonight when most of his bones start to ache.

His left arm - broken in a fight against a troll, had him out of commission for a week - indicates thunder, while his right knee - where he was shot with an arrow, an encounter that still shames him to this day -  pains him for the rain that is to come. A lot of other pains and dull aches battle for his audience as well, but those two are the worst, making his day sitting at the war table and going over various reports a living hell.

And not only the pain dulls his senses, but his mind speaks up as well, namely in the voice of doubt. It whispers in his ears like a long forgotten friend, and Lothar tries to ignore it, he really does, but its tone is so alluring that he can't help but present it some attention. 

This is a mistake, as it becomes clear very quickly what the voice tried to tell him. It plunges into the one worry that Lothar's had since the very beginning of his relationship, and his heart hurts when he thinks.about it, thinks about the fact that Khadgar will soon leave him for another man.

Khadgar is still so young and strong, brimming with an energy that an old man like Lothar just can't keep up with. If it weren't for his interests in books and his affinity for the Arcane, Lothar is sure that Khadgar would've become a postman, running around the city all the time to bring people letters or notes. He smirks shortly at the thought, but then his mind is overwhelmed again by darker images.

How could such an active young man like Khadgar want such an old broken soldier? Lothar cannot give him anything, does not have the knowledge to even pretend to be able to keep up with the younger man on an intellectual level, and yet, for some reason, he wants Lothar, always saying that Lothar is the only one for him. How can he be so sure?

What if, in two weeks, when the orcs finally reach Stormwind, Khadgar finds a fallen young man on the ground and helps him up, both of them instantly feeling a connection between them. Then Lothar will be forgotten like an old piece of armor is left on the battlefield after a fight. He knows the day will eventually come when Khadgar leaves him for someone much younger than the broken warrior with too many dead friends, too many liver problems and  _ too many issues. _ It would be better if he ends the thing now before he really becomes too attached to the kid.

Oh, by the Light, who is he kidding? He already is attached to Khadgar, the mage being his anchor when the pain comes at night, tormenting him with nightmares. Khadgar is always the one that helps the old warrior through them and he wishes,  _ just wishes _ , that he could be a better lover by letting the young mage sleep an entire night. He fears that soon, Khadgar is going to realize this and will leave him, his hand clenching around one of the positioner flags on the large war table.

Lothar sighs tiredly and presses his hands into the sockets of his eyes, trying to get rid of the thoughts tormenting him, spinning around in his head until he talks himself deeper and deeper into a depressive state. He rises from his stool and sways for a moment, gasping as pain shoots through his aching leg. It is so breathtaking that he does not know how he makes it to his and Khadgar's rooms afterward, his entire being alive with nothing but agony. He can only think straight again when he suddenly finds himself sinking into a hot bath, Khadgar at his side, while his aching leg stops screaming at him.

Turning around, he glances at the mage who looks at him in concern, his hands massaging Lothar's hard muscles with deft fingers. Lothar groans loudly and sinks even deeper into the water, his naked state very much becoming clear to him. He snorts in disgust.

“Everything alright?”, Khadgar asks, concern in his voice. He stops his ministrations, “Did I hurt you?”

“No,” Lothar turns his head away, the shame of what he is about to say too great. He also does not want to see the look of disgust on Khadgar's beautiful face as he realizes the truth behind Lothar's words, “I don't get you.”

“Hu?” Khadgar tries to catch Lothar's gaze but the warrior stubbornly refuses to meet his eyes.

“I mean,” Lothar raises his arm and the water swishes around him, “How could you possibly want such a broken guy like me? Look at us! You have to bathe me like a little child because I am too old and too broken to do it myself after a long day-”

“Anduin.”

“-I mean what if I get a cramp one day on the battlefield and the orcs take that opportunity to end me? I know that Orgrim Doomhammer would just love to show me the meaning of his name-”

“Anduin!”

“-and you shouldn't forget that I'm old enough to be your father! What the hell is wrong with you for wanting such a miserable broken soldier like I am when you can practically have anyone?! There are far better lovers than me out there, who aren't as pathetic as me-”

“WILL YOU SHUT UP?” Khadgar's voice booms and Lothar closes his mouth instantly, rubbing a hand over his face. Khadgar's hands, who has stopped massaging his shoulders, begins anew and Lothar groans loudly, “Anduin. I want to ask you a question. Which would you prefer: a pretty, new shield, untried and untested and more for show than anything else - or an old, battered one, with scars and dents to show all the times it's done it's job and saved someone's life?"

Lothar’s hand falls from his face into the water, the warrior's gaze unreadable. He sighs deeply and stays silent for a couple of minutes until he answers the mage's question, his voice thick with unshed tears, “I would take the old one, of course.”

“There you go,” Khadgar bends forward and puts his arms around Lothar's shoulders, leaning his head against the other's warm shoulder from behind, “I love you _ because _ you are battered and old, because you had to fight so many battles in your life and came out victorious. And I love you because you deserve to be loved, you deserve to be kissed and cuddled and especially … you deserve not to be alone.”

Lothar doesn't know why; perhaps it is the tone of Khadgar's voice, soothing and gentle, or perhaps the words strike his core, but he starts crying, silent tears running down his face. Khadgar probably notices them, but if so, he pretends he doesn't. Not until Lothar says something about it.

It takes several more minutes before the warrior has himself under control again. When he does, he turns his head towards Khadgar and kisses him, expressing all the words and emotions he can't name, “Thank you.”

“I will repeat it for as long as it needs to get through that thick skull of yours,” Khadgar smiles softly albeit his words, “But you're welcome anyway. So, let me continue to massage you and then I can show you properly how much I like your so-called broken body.”

Lothar starts chuckling, the prospect of sex always a topic that cheers him up. And as the rain splatters against their window while thunder rages overhead, Khadgar shows Lothar indeed.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Tumblr [here](http://reginastellaris.tumblr.com/). If you want something written by me, don't hesitate to leave a prompt.


End file.
